Sermon Notes

From the book of Proverbs


Conflict is inevitable.  It’s coming your way

Ways we typically deal with conflict

  • Avoid it: the people, the situations or conversations that create it.
  • Defeat it; see it as an opportunity to win
  • Negotiate; wisely and lovingly

Conflict: a serious disagreement over a meaningful situation or over a meaningful issue.

Stages of human relationships

  1. The heavenly stage
  2. The hellish stage (triggered by a “let down”)
  3. Holding the tension

Conflict often requires confrontation

How to do conflict wisely:

  1. Wise Conflict calls for a calm presence

Proverbs 15:1  A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

  • It’s easy to lose the topic of the conversation because of the tone of the conversation.
  • One way to be a calm presence is to pray
  • Embrace differentiation

Differentiation:  “Remaining close to God, close to myself and remaining close to others, especially in times of high anxiety.  Resisting the polar opposite pull of cutting you off or being fused into you.”

  1. Wise Conflict calls for humility

Pr. 21:2 A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart.

Three wise questions to ask when you are in the moment of conflict:

  • Can you help me understand why you feel this way?
  • What are you seeing that I am not seeing?
  • What is the most important thing you want me to remember?

We all have blindspots. To negotiate our differences in wise ways requires that we grow in humility.

  1. Wise conflict involves communit

Pr. 11:14 Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

As humans we gravitate toward creating triangles. Triangulation is NOT community.

Triangulation is communicating with a third party instead of communicating directly with the person who has created an offense.


       The opposite of conflict is rest.

R -eflect on the source

Why am I being triggered? Why am I feeling anxious, or concerned or angry

E -xplore your own values.

Why is this so important to me?

S – eek out others you can process with

Who will give me honest feedback?  What do I need perspective on?

T – rust God to give you grace to the hard moments

What is the invitation of the Holy Spirit to you about being wise in conflict?